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Posts tagged ‘Talent agent’

Enjoying Good Health!

I have to confess…..I am happy we got a 2 week reprieve from chemo…..Paul looks and feels GREAT and I just want to hang onto that a little longer…..

He has really come a long way in changing lifestyle habits. You know, it’s kind of hard teaching an old dog new tricks…..but in typical Paul fashion when he “buys in” he is in 100%…..and his body has made it clear these are nonnegotiable! So he takes a little walk in the afternoon, eats the right foods and eats several small meals and/or snacks a day, rests when his is tired…..

I mean, if we are being honest here, and I always am on my blog, I have to confess I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. I mean, for those that don’t know my husband, he can be a little stubborn sometimes……If there is something you DON’T want Paul to do, tell him he HAS to do it……’cause he will dig his heels in and quietly say to himself “she can’t tell me what to do” and just won’t do it…..there will be no spectacle….there will be no big blow up…no stomping around puffing up his chest or anything……just a quiet refusal to be TOLD what to do…..*sigh* ……

But truth be told he knew even HE could not deny the requests his body and spirit were requiring so thank God he bought into all this pretty early on and his health these last couple of weeks has been AMAZING! He looks great, feels great and is even practicing horns again and not wearing out like he used to…..and I think we both need to experience that for just a little while longer…..

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Is This The Plight of the Caregiver?

I don’t want to talk about it……I CAN’T talk about it……it’s like sticking your finger in the dam and more holes keep opening up…..or you are blockading yourself in a house during the zombie apocolypse…..ANYTHING to keep from being overwhelmed……and I see myself just shoving back….desperately…….but I feel like I am starting to lose this battle……

I don’t want to think of anyone reading this…..I don’t want to think of anyone even KNOWING I feel this way……hell I don’t even want to acknowledge it…….this overwhelming amount of pressure…..but my therapist has health problems and keeps canceling my appointments so I guess this blog will have to do…..it’s my way of preserving my sanity.

I knew I was going to have to step up…..I knew that as soon as Paul was diagnosed…..but this total loss of my identity has surprised me. Those that know me well know I am an “all in’ kind of girl. I don’t half ass anything…work, personal, love, family…..it’s all the way with me…..so the role of “caregiver” has become my new identity. My entire life revolves around my husband and his health……what is he eating….is he resting enough……how does he feel…..is he getting a fever?…..it’s INSANE the amount of energy I spend worrying about him……and it’s not even a conscious thing anymore, like it was when he was first diagnosed……it’s more like “daily monitoring”….I don’t know……I don’t know what I am doing or how any of this is supposed to work…..

And it just seems to be getting worse…….chemo is coming on Thursday so that may be the source of this new round of anxiety…….honestly though, I don’t think that’s it. Actually, I KNOW that isn’t it……God this just kills me to say this but the stress of our financial situation is starting to take its toll.  Paul’s unemployment recently ran out……and let’s face it….who is going to hire him now? I sure as hell wouldn’t hire a man about to start chemo and radiation….no matter HOW talented he is…..it just isn’t going to happen……Fortunately my unemployment is still in place but we now need to replace that $1000 a month. A part-time job that we were SURE was a lock didn’t happen……so that has definitely thrown me into this funk……where I feel like it’s all on me……but it was our own fault really….we broke the Team Klemm Rule #1….NEVER count a sale until it’s in writing…..NEVER bank on a deal until it’s done…..and we did. We thought it was a sure thing….all done except dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s……so when he came home and said it wasn’t going to happen I was crushed….seriously…..I freaked…..

We have talked about my getting a “regular job” but the fact is my unemployment is MORE than what I can get with a regular job. I don’t want to take a pay cut to work some shit job somewhere. Part of the problem is I have the “stink of sales” on me. What does that mean? When you go through your life as a successful salesman, companies don’t WANT you to work in their back office or anywhere else for that matter….they see you can SELL and that is where they want you…..so as much as I want to stay off the floor they won’t allow it…..so my successful sales career has pretty much screwed me…..so YES, I could go sell cars…..but I would HATE it, the hours would suck and I wouldn’t make that much more than we are making right now so what’s the point?

There is only ONE option and that’s to make Little Dog Entertainment work. I had to almost completely cut bait on LolaBelle’s in order to put all that time and energy into LDE. The booking agency just delivers more “bang for my buck”. I can make a lot more $$ with it than I can expending the same amount of energy on LolaBelle’s so onto the back burner goes the dog treats and it’s make or break time with the booking agency.

Don’t get me wrong….I LOVE working the booking agency……but right now I am the ONLY one working the booking agency…..Paul is so consumed with re-working the score for The Producers there is no TIME to help me with the business….and there hasn’t been….for like 2 MONTHS……but I have to give him kudos because he COMMITTED to doing this score and really didn’t have any idea how difficult or time-consuming it would be….after all, he did the same thing with the score for Cabaret right?…..um, NO……this thing is HUGE…..but Paul isn’t a quitter and so he marches on….several hours a day….with his nose in a musical score and computer software…..for HOURS at a time……and it’s all pro bono work…….

I just hate the pressure of it……..it’s been a while since I worked a kitchen table and closed a deal…..so I am rusty to begin with….but when you walk in you have to make sure you don’t reek of despiration….that’s where lesser salesmen screw up…..clients can sense desperation when you are trying to close a sale…….and I am not sure I have ever been more desperate……so I will have to really “bring it” next week when I meet with funeral directors, retirement home directors and event planners next week…..

So I feel a little better…..thank you Dr. Blog…..send me your bill…….Oh wait, on second thought….DON’T! I can’t pay it anyway! ha ha ha! But seriously, I can feel the tension is somewhat gone……and I can move on with my day and make it productive now….instead of dealing with all this anxiety….which is now on these pages and out of my system……and there is no solution other than “work harder Lisa”……that is the only way out of this mess……but taking my fears and dumping them here on my blog allows me to do that……

So send us some prayers and good thoughts my friends! I know I am REALLY needing it right now……

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