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Posts tagged ‘Stepfamily’

Mother’s Day Was a Drag

I am going to keep this short and sweet…’cause I hate whiners…..but my Mother’s Day pretty much sucked….church was nice, we went early and by 10 am I was laying in the sun….something I NEVER do but I have been craving sunshine and outdoors….too much hospital/doctor office air I guess…..anyway, the day just went on and on and there was nothing…..I made my own lunch…..Paul cooked dinner, like he does several times a week, chicken on the grill….like we have on a regular basis…..nothing special…..

at 6:30 my daughter strolls in with her grandma…..with whom she spent saturday night and all day Sunday with…..she did have a cute make up bag for me which I really appreciated…..but the day was pretty much over by then……and the bottom line is she spent Mother’s Day with everyone BUT her mom…..so that conjures up awful feeling of how I am the inferior STEP mother and she really wishes she was living with her grandma anyway….blah, blah, blah……I have raised this child for 7 years……so yea…….that hurt…..

And my son…..he spent the day just like any other…..glued to the TV……and my husband spent it like any other day….glued to the computer……that boy should know better…..I will say, he offers to help me around the house every day….and that is the part that surprises me……I can’t believe he didn’t think to himself, “I’ll clean the house for mom” or wash her car or make her a card or SOMETHING…..but he didn’t……and he isn’t a baby anymore…..and that hurt….a lot…..

And it’s too late now……I sure as hell don’t want to see even a damn daisy at this point…….sometimes you don’t get a second chance and THIS is one of those times……

But I can’t stay mad at Paul…..the kids, yes……Paul, no…….he is always so sincere when he apologizes to me and he never makes excuses and he just takes all the blame…..how can you stay mad at that? And that’s the thing about my husband…..no one knows me so perfectly…..he may screw up from time to time….and it’s RARE let me tell you…..but he isn’t perfect of course…..but when he does screw up he handles it just perfectly…..he knows just the right things to say to make all my anger and hurt go away……and NO ONE has ever been able to do that with me……

So we came close to our first fight last night but no dice…….that just isn’t in our nature….and let’s face it….Paul is WAY too smart to get into a fight with ME!

Why am I so ANGRY??

I almost didn’t write this….I have labored for days trying to decide because #1 I don’t like to bitch….it really isn’t my nature….#2 I hate to bitch publicly about my family……I don’t air dirty laundry…PERIOD…..ask my mother, she will tell you! My divorce from my first husband caught everyone off guard because they had no idea anything was wrong…..because I just deal with it in my own house….and I am a pretty private person these days…..and I can’t stand people who just go on and on and on about how miserable their life is…..so I tend to go the other direction and not go into much detail at all….

Now that’s not to say I don’t have people I can talk to…..my mother has been my ROCK through this entire thing. Sadly, she went through the same experience with my beloved step-father almost 20 years ago….so she has “been there and done that” ……and I visit with a therapist through my church Methodist Health Ministries….it’s a good place for me to go and say all those things that you CAN’T say to someone you ‘know”…you know? ……

But even with all that…….I have been “bent out of shape” since Paul came home…….actually, I take that back……it didn’t start until late last week…..when things got “back to normal” for the children……that’s when things start to lax around here…..made a specific request “feed the dogs, now please” as I walked out the door Saturday night….come home several HOURS later…dogs fed? Of course not…..assign someone a load of towels…they wash them, dry them then leave them in the basket in the middle of the laundry room. Seriously, I want to CHOKE them…..

I mean, my kids aren’t BABIES….they are 17 and almost 13 for crying out loud! Am I expecting too much when I look at a destroyed kitchen and say to myself “no one could take 10 minutes to load this MESS into an empty dishwasher?” I sure as hell NEVER would have left something like that for my mother……

And it isn’t just that……it isn’t just the kids……a lot of it is me…..my stress level is through the roof and I just want everyone to sit down and shut the hell up so I can take care of my husband…..that’s all I want……just BEHAVE for Christ’s sake……Keep your GRADES up….I am spending $150 a MONTH on ADHD meds for 3 F’s…..yea, that makes mom pretty happy…..

And we just lost Paul’s unemployment benefits……so yea……we are really under a lot of pressure to get Little Dog Entertainment back up and running.  That’s a whole other blog post in itself…..the downsizing of LolaBelle’s Treats and pouring our energies into LDE. But again….pressure…..Pressure…..PRESSURE>>>>>>>>>>

I suppose all of this is normal……but damn……it’s intense…….

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NEXT DAY-

So after I wrote this blog post I had a sit down with the kids and they seemed to get it…..there were lots of offers to help….a few excuses…which I made very clear I don’t want to hear anymore…..and a general “let’s all work together” feel to the entire thing. Hopefully that will get them back on track otherwise I made it clear I was going to “shut their shit down” (that translates to: Mom will TAKE your COOL STUFF like your stereo and video games unless…)

I hate to admit it but I have gone almost militant around here. I don’t give them 50 million things to do but the 2 or three chores I DO assign I expect to be done…..and not done half ass either……

The bottom line is if I want this house to continue to run smoothly….I am going to have to do it…..manage it I mean…..I don’t want Paul worrying about anything other than getting better……

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