It’s 5 am……like clockwork the dogs need a trip outside……so following Abigail’s exuberant leap back into bed I crawled in next to her to snuggle in for the next 2 blissful hours…..then my mind starts going……then the music from our church service starts……I can sence His presence with us…….and it’s time to give up the plan for additional sleep (I can catch up on that later!) and hit the blog…..just too much going on inside this head!
Yesterday was such a great day…..the weather was beautiful, the windows and doors were open and it was like a breath of Spring blew through the house……
….then the dust bunnies decided to come out and play……
so the day was spent cleaning, doing laundry and making dog food! But it was long overdue. I am a cleaner you see…..Paul is a pacer….walking throught the house like a caged animal…..me, I CLEAN! The shower really took the brunt of it yesterday. But it shines like a new penny and I am confident I only lost a few percent of lung capacity due to the chemical combination I made in an attempt to chip off particularly resistance soap scum. And I can rest easy knowing that IF someone has to come stay with my kids, the house is CLEAN! I know, I know….these are my friends and family….they don’t care if my house is dirty…..yea, yea, yea I know……but I think I really needed it.
Cleaning was almost therapeutic. It gave me time alone with my thoughts and with God. He hangs out when I clean you know. I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking of my friends without faith. Remembering my own trip into darkness….how sad and scary it was……but I was angry…..angry at what God had “done” to me…..so I turned away….but He stayed with me of course. And the last 20 years has been my journey back into the light.
I hear them cry….they are lonley….they feel unloved……but you don’t have to be! He is simply waiting for you to turn to Him to get ALL that you need! But you don’t believe He exists??!! That concept is so foreign to me now…..but I was there too……”God wouldn’t allow all these horrible things to happen”…”there is no scientific evidence” or “the Bible was written by a bunch of drunk monks”……I said them all…I believed it all….for YEARS……but I was WRONG.
I have been witness to the power of prayer NUMEROUS times! Just the fact I am sitting in my home is a miracle in itself. They money would run out and God would provide….a job would be offered the very next day or Paul would book a gig that night. It was CRAZY I tell you! When things were at their worst God would send that life raft like clock work! Recently, we were trying to figure out how to send Rachel to a weekend youth rally and within 15 minutes I had received a phone call saying a check for 1/2 the $$ was in the mail…….all we did was ask God to provide……not to send us money but to provide…..and He did, and HAS, numerous times!
Now, it doesn’t ALWAYS happen like that! LOL! There have still been lots of stressful and scary times and of course, we have lots more ahead. We will continue to have struggles. Being a Christian certainly doesn’t make us exempt from that! We will have tragedy and hard times just like everyone else and we will still get mad and upset…..but there is this underlying COMFORT….then we pull ourselves back from the edge, hand it over and say “God, this is yours” and he takes it and gets you through it.
Maybe that’s what it’s really about….that underlying comfort…..knowing you are not alone. Your friends may not come through for you….or your spouse dies….even your dog just isn’t that “into you” today….but He will ALWAYS be there! All you have to do is ASK! He is there….all you have to do is acknowledge Him and accept His love! It IS that simple! But we continue to look for means of comfort outside our relationship with God…..we need a boyfriend or a man to be complete….to provide us with the comfort we seek……we need $$ and lots of it to be happy……everything will be fine if I can just “get this”…………*sigh*…..sometimes we just don’t “get it”! lol!…….there is NOTHING out “there” that will fill that void! That emptiness you feel cannot be filled with the love of another PERSON or with THINGS……there is only ONE thing that fits in that spot…and that’s God.
He doesn’t care what you have done! He doesn’t care if you have sinned! We ALL have! He doesn’t care about any of the horrible things you have done in your past! It’s a fresh start! He will welcome you with open arms and can provide you with a source of comfort and calm like you have never experienced! He will hold you….He will love you….He will provide for you…..all you have to do is ask! (see sample prayer below)
Am I living in some mass, planet wide hysteria?….this insane belief that there is a “God” that created us and is watching over us…..am I looking like a fool? ……Maybe……but I would much rather take my chances with Him……and this much I know…….my life is fuller…..I live with a sense of calm in my life…..I am able to look death in the face and not be afraid….too much……and He provides me with all I need…..and has for quite some time…ask me the stories! I have lots! ….. so if this is some delusion or mass hysteria…then so be it……but me and mine….we will follow the ways of the Lord!
If you aren’t sure what to say to God….try this! I found it online and it’s a great prayer!
“Lord Jesus, thank You for showing me how much I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for me. Please forgive all my failures and the sins of my past. Make me clean and help me start fresh with you. I now receive You into my life as Lord and Savior. Help me to love and serve You with all my heart. Amen.”
Jesus said: ” Everyone whom my Father gives me will come to me. I will never turn away anyone who comes to me”. John 6:37