Well, we finally had to wave the white flag of surrender where the house is concerned. We met with our attorney today to discuss what needed to be done. It was rather easy to be honest. She was very kind and understanding and reassured us we were making the right decision. I held it together while we covered all the details and signed the paperwork. The attorney I spoke to a few weeks ago about this came in and introduced himself and talked about how difficult this decision must be and he was very kind as well….but that’s when the water works started.
I keep reminding myself how much better off we will be. How much stress will be off us. How we will be able to stay in Portland and it’s just a house……but at this very moment….right now…..it isn’t just a house. It’s the home we built during much happier times…..times that are so long gone….it’s just heartbreaking.
We chose everything in this home….tile floors because I knew we would have dogs and I didn’t want to worry about the kids spilling kool aid on the carpet….my fireplace that we used every winter while the kids decorated the Christmas tree, the perfect display for our family photos….Paul’s music room where gorgeous music would pour forth while I prepared a family meal…..the carefully selected kitchen that had all the cabinet and counter space 2 avid cooks could ever want…..parties, holidays, a place for friends to crash……finally harvesting tomatoes from last years garden after years of failure……my whirlpool bathtub where I have shed a tub full of tears this last year…..and we have to leave it all behind.
Honestly, I think this is less about losing the house and more about losing the life we had. Just another example of how the ideal life we once had is completely gone…..the days when we had successful careers, financial stability and most importantly, good health. We struggled so hard for the last several years to hold onto this house. Scraping by, legal maneuverings, sacrificing….and to lose it all in the end is just devastating. Just another thing I don’t get to keep….another loss….lost the business…..losing the house….losing my husband? Is that going to be my rock bottom?
It feels good to vent, get these things off my chest. It isn’t the end of the world. The benefits most assuredly make it worth it. I want my husband concentrating on getting well….not stressing out over making this mortgage payment. So tomorrow I will pick myself up, dry my tears and move on. God will continue to guide us on this journey and we will end up in a nice, safe home that I am sure we will enjoy…because we will be there together 🙂