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Posts tagged ‘Dog food’

Is This The Plight of the Caregiver?

I don’t want to talk about it……I CAN’T talk about it……it’s like sticking your finger in the dam and more holes keep opening up…..or you are blockading yourself in a house during the zombie apocolypse…..ANYTHING to keep from being overwhelmed……and I see myself just shoving back….desperately…….but I feel like I am starting to lose this battle……

I don’t want to think of anyone reading this…..I don’t want to think of anyone even KNOWING I feel this way……hell I don’t even want to acknowledge it…….this overwhelming amount of pressure…..but my therapist has health problems and keeps canceling my appointments so I guess this blog will have to do…..it’s my way of preserving my sanity.

I knew I was going to have to step up…..I knew that as soon as Paul was diagnosed…..but this total loss of my identity has surprised me. Those that know me well know I am an “all in’ kind of girl. I don’t half ass anything…work, personal, love, family…..it’s all the way with me…..so the role of “caregiver” has become my new identity. My entire life revolves around my husband and his health……what is he eating….is he resting enough……how does he feel…..is he getting a fever?…..it’s INSANE the amount of energy I spend worrying about him……and it’s not even a conscious thing anymore, like it was when he was first diagnosed……it’s more like “daily monitoring”….I don’t know……I don’t know what I am doing or how any of this is supposed to work…..

And it just seems to be getting worse…….chemo is coming on Thursday so that may be the source of this new round of anxiety…….honestly though, I don’t think that’s it. Actually, I KNOW that isn’t it……God this just kills me to say this but the stress of our financial situation is starting to take its toll.  Paul’s unemployment recently ran out……and let’s face it….who is going to hire him now? I sure as hell wouldn’t hire a man about to start chemo and radiation….no matter HOW talented he is…..it just isn’t going to happen……Fortunately my unemployment is still in place but we now need to replace that $1000 a month. A part-time job that we were SURE was a lock didn’t happen……so that has definitely thrown me into this funk……where I feel like it’s all on me……but it was our own fault really….we broke the Team Klemm Rule #1….NEVER count a sale until it’s in writing…..NEVER bank on a deal until it’s done…..and we did. We thought it was a sure thing….all done except dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s……so when he came home and said it wasn’t going to happen I was crushed….seriously…..I freaked…..

We have talked about my getting a “regular job” but the fact is my unemployment is MORE than what I can get with a regular job. I don’t want to take a pay cut to work some shit job somewhere. Part of the problem is I have the “stink of sales” on me. What does that mean? When you go through your life as a successful salesman, companies don’t WANT you to work in their back office or anywhere else for that matter….they see you can SELL and that is where they want you…..so as much as I want to stay off the floor they won’t allow it…..so my successful sales career has pretty much screwed me…..so YES, I could go sell cars…..but I would HATE it, the hours would suck and I wouldn’t make that much more than we are making right now so what’s the point?

There is only ONE option and that’s to make Little Dog Entertainment work. I had to almost completely cut bait on LolaBelle’s in order to put all that time and energy into LDE. The booking agency just delivers more “bang for my buck”. I can make a lot more $$ with it than I can expending the same amount of energy on LolaBelle’s so onto the back burner goes the dog treats and it’s make or break time with the booking agency.

Don’t get me wrong….I LOVE working the booking agency……but right now I am the ONLY one working the booking agency…..Paul is so consumed with re-working the score for The Producers there is no TIME to help me with the business….and there hasn’t been….for like 2 MONTHS……but I have to give him kudos because he COMMITTED to doing this score and really didn’t have any idea how difficult or time-consuming it would be….after all, he did the same thing with the score for Cabaret right?…..um, NO……this thing is HUGE…..but Paul isn’t a quitter and so he marches on….several hours a day….with his nose in a musical score and computer software…..for HOURS at a time……and it’s all pro bono work…….

I just hate the pressure of it……..it’s been a while since I worked a kitchen table and closed a deal…..so I am rusty to begin with….but when you walk in you have to make sure you don’t reek of despiration….that’s where lesser salesmen screw up…..clients can sense desperation when you are trying to close a sale…….and I am not sure I have ever been more desperate……so I will have to really “bring it” next week when I meet with funeral directors, retirement home directors and event planners next week…..

So I feel a little better…..thank you Dr. Blog…..send me your bill…….Oh wait, on second thought….DON’T! I can’t pay it anyway! ha ha ha! But seriously, I can feel the tension is somewhat gone……and I can move on with my day and make it productive now….instead of dealing with all this anxiety….which is now on these pages and out of my system……and there is no solution other than “work harder Lisa”……that is the only way out of this mess……but taking my fears and dumping them here on my blog allows me to do that……

So send us some prayers and good thoughts my friends! I know I am REALLY needing it right now……

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Nothing Like WORK to Cure What Ails Ya

It appears my anger has subsided…..it was replaced with sadness the following day then I basically just got over it….working yesterday helped a lot…..and venting to my mom….she always calls at just the right time! ha ha! I suppose this is just to be expected….this rollercoaster of emotion…….

It helps when I dig my nose into some work…….being self employed there is always LOTS to be done……but there are other things as well….calls to the VA….resheduling doctors appointments….dealing with my car window…..crappy financial stuff and calls to insurance companies……things I don’t “normally” do but have taken on while Paul is incapacitated…….

See, we have a division of labor here in our house…….there are Paul’s “things” and there are my “things”…..sometimes I have to tell the kids “You are asking the wrong parent”……like if it’s a Math question, that’s a Paul question……I handle English……He takes care of anything involving engines….I don’t even like to pump my own gas but I will…..but car repairs or anything I can’t stand doing……they are greasy and gross….ha ha ha! BUT I take care of the entire household maintenance…..grocery lists, kids chores, cleaning and laundry so that is a pretty fair trade as far as I am concerned…..but I am finding I am having to take on more and more……I am out of my comfort zone…..

Truth be told, it’s not like I CAN’T do it……I mean, I have spent MANY a year single and self-sufficient and caring for my own vehicle and paying my own bills, etc. I refurbished an entire home so I can do pretty much any kind of home repair project and I have mowed many a lawn……..not that I can’t……I just don’t “Like” ha ha ha! guess I need to suck it up and just do it!

One thing I AM getting excited for is getting through this weekend and focusing more on Little Dog Entertainment. For those that don’t know, Paul and I are both small business owner’s. Little Dog Entertainment is our booking agency. When Paul went into music full-time 15 months ago he went out to hustle up gigs and spent time working with event planners and wedding planners. They would often ask if he “knew of a classical guitar player or a string quartet?” so our booking agency was born! Just like we did as Realtors, we are bringing buyers (event planners) and sellers(our musicians) together and the musicians pay us a little off the top for finding them work. It’s a win-win and everyone is happy! We LOVE working this company….a LOT!

I also run LolaBelle’s Treats, my dog treat/food business. We work Farmer’s Markets and have many regular customers who see us for our homemade dog treats and out homemade dog food. We also do some boarding and sitting and we have a line of hand-made dog sweaters and toys. We have been giving some thought to being a distributor for Blue Buffalo as well. The whole idea behind this was to generate enough money to eventually open a store front in Portland with doggie daycare. I have never been interested in the grooming aspect but there has been a bit of a void since Critter Love shut down and this town could DEFINATELY support a doggie daycare/retail store. So that has been the ultimate goal……funding being the main issue of course….

When I lost my “real” job last July we decided to make a go of this full-time. We were both receiving our unemployment benefits and if there was ever a time to “go for it … it was then. We agreed that if one of the businesses really started to take off we would work together on that business. The fact of the matter is, Paul and I are dynamite when we work together. Working real estate as a team for all those years proved it. When we work together we are AMAZING….so we knew eventually one would pull us in…

…we have spent this entire time giving that decision to God……I would even speak it out loud……that we would look to Him to lead us in the direction we needed to go……and we really feel pulled towards the booking agency……

I love LolaBelle’s and all our wonderful customers and we WILL continue to run it as a part-time venture just like I have been doing for the past 3 years…..besides, it’s still a sweet little money-maker so I have no intentions of giving that up…..I may hand it over to the kids in 6-12 months and let them work it while I supervise and manage their money….but again, we will still be working our markets just like always…..but things like putting my food into vet’s offices and going retail…..that has to wait…..

So this Saturday is the Rockport Market Days and they are also having the Nautical Market next door so we anticipate LolaBelle’s Treats making a big HAUL this Saturday! And LOOK! Lola fetched this article from the Rockport Pilot showing the Maritime Museum if offering very inexpensive nauticle antique appraisals! Cool! I offered Rachel a cut of the profits and she has been making my Peanut Butter and Chicken Chip Treats. Her Grandma has taught her GREAT cookie making skills so she is a natural at baking. Nothing would thrill me more than to hand the reigns of this over to her in a year or two so I am giving her an opportunity to step up if she wants it. If not her brother might want it…..or not….and that’s ok too……

So for now we stay small 😀 and we will continue to take care of all our regulars and maybe a few more new customers too! But our big expansion dreams are being put on the back burner….and that’s ok!

When Paul was in the hospital, I had the opportunity to work Little Dog Entertainment more than I ever had and let me say this……I LIKED IT!…….talk about a blast from the past…..I was talking to people and making DEALS…..and there is nothing that gets this girl’s blood pumping MORE than working a business DEAL…..Paul gets it…..I was smelling the blood in the water…..I wanted to book that event…..we were talking numbers and possibilities on how to make this bride’s event even BETTER!……I was in my element…….and I didn’t realize how much I missed it until that very moment sitting in the hospital parking lot……

I am not sure I even realized how devastating it was to me to lose our real estate business. Paul and I poured our heart and soul into it and built it up to tremendous success and to have it all end so quickly was shocking and devastating….emotionally….financially……it was a sad day when we decided, together, that we HAD to cut bait and move on…..we let our licenses (including Paul’s Brokers License) expire…..we ended all our advertising contracts…..and it died……it was horrible……

and that’s how I knew LDE was the way to go……I had that same feeling I had when Paul and I still worked in “The Shack” in Rockport…..our friends remember……that was one of the GREATEST times of our marriage was working together in The Shack at Coldwell Banker in Rockport…..and how I felt sitting in that truck in that hospital parking lot was the EXACT same feeling……and that’s good enough for me……

So plans are in place….my marketing campaign is starting to come together…..and we are going “old school” here….I am talking “shaking hands and kissing babies”…..I know how to work it…and Paul can come with or Paul can stay home and work the phones……this WILL work….I KNOW it…..

So, now after reading this entire blog post this is where I insert my Shameless Self-Promotion of which my fans know I am the QUEEN of!

Visit our website  www.LittleDogEntertainment.com

“Fetching” the Best music in Coastal Bend!

 We provide musicians for weddings, corporate events, private parties, memorial services and more! Best of all, our services are FREE! (our musicians pay our fee!) Vocalists, Flute/Piano, Absoflutely! Quartet, String Quartet, Classical Guitar, Jazz, Salsa, Tejano, DJ’s…..we have it all…just give us a call! Paul-361-563-3539 Lisa-361-230-0631

As Ready As I Am Gonna Get……

Well fortunately the planning and preparations are mostly complete. We got him to all the places he wanted to go and he ate all the foods he wanted to eat and he hugged all the people he wanted to hug so we MUST be ready! Our bags are packed, child care arranged, schedules written, rides arranged, food bought, dog food made and home cleaned and fresh sheets and towels for Grandma. The only thing we didn’t get arranged was the hotel room but we will take care of that once we get up there.

I have my bible, my music, my script and a good book….plus all of Paul’s medical information since the start of this entire adventure. The kids are doing pretty well. Rachel is a nervous wreck but there isn’t a whole lot that can be done about that. She has her Grandma here and her brother and all her friends. She does best with lots of communication so I imagine we will be burning up the text messages.

I’m to the point where I am becoming incapable of having coherent thoughts. I am finding myself more “scatter brained” and my mind bounces from one topic to the other. I am starting and not finishing sentences and starting more new ones…..I told Paul he better watch for me putting the butter in the freezer…..

But I am running out of things to do……the busy work is done….and now it’s time to just pray……I know my family is in good hands and my husband is in good hands……so now I will sit and fold my hands…….

Tomorrow we will meet with the Anesthesiologist to discuss Paul’s pain management then we will have the rest of the day to spend in San Antonio, one of our most favorite towns! Paul can still eat tomorrow but just small light meals. The the next morning they will go in there and “take out the only bad thing in him”! (quote from my mom!)

Exhaustion is setting in. Time to turn in. My last night in my own bed for a while. The last night having small, furry bodies pressed up against me……my sweet babies…..they are going to be so sad with us gone…..but I am going to miss them more.

………….night………………

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